Dear M&J
A message to my in-laws.
Hey y’all,
I’m not always very good at verbally communicating my feelings and so I am sending you this note… you don’t have to reply but I just wanted to share some things with you.
We love our Sunday talks, but tonight’s conversation was very difficult for us. We hate asking for financial help – it makes us feel irresponsible and like we are failing at adulting. You have been so beyond generous with us in every aspect of our lives and I hope we have done an ok job expressing even a fraction of our gratitude. Thank you SO much.
It’s sometimes unclear to us where we’re going wrong. For years, our focus has been on our careers, then shifted more to each other when we got married, and we’ve been trying to find the balance between both since then. Ambition is one of the shared qualities I believe make B and I work so well. We’re both somewhat addicted to achieving, meeting and exceeding goals we set. But sometimes it also feels like the hits just keep coming, and no matter how high we reach or how hard we work, something is unattainable.
In a million years, I never, ever thought I’d be where I am, for whatever reason unable to start a family like seemingly everyone else has. It’s almost unmanageably disappointing, the worst part having to tell B month after month. It has been excruciating. The thought of not being able to give him everything he wants, and deserves, in this life makes me feel purposeless and completely hollow. But he has a magical way of making things seem better, downplaying the negatives and elevating the positives. I know this is the attitude you raised him with, and it's what helps us through our challenges, and will again as we proceed with IVF. He is everything to me and I can’t imagine ever loving another human more.
We have a beautiful life and sometimes it’s hard not to feel guilty for wanting more. Your support and encouragement has enabled us to do some really significant things the last few years. You always make time to listen, talk, advise and love us, and me. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.
Love,
P